Be perseverant if you want to be favored with invitations

By Christopher Blank

April 29, 2007

One night I got invited to a party.

A cool party even. Not because I was cool, but because media people occasionally get invited to things, but still.

The restaurant opening was packed with socialites and sexy folks who all seemed to know each other. I was standing in the corner by myself.

At first it was a relief when a group of my good Downtown friends walked in the door. But suddenly, outrage clouded my elitist aspirations.

How did they get invited?

Furthermore, how did they always get invited to everything?

The answer has nagged me for years. It’s as if my friends exist in the Memphis party ether — the rarefied strata of beautiful people who appear to make a living out of dressing up, networking and drinking cocktails.

Local party planners, public relations consultants and frequent partygoers say that getting involved with the social scene can be a challenge for newcomers.

But there is a certain perseverance and personality conducive to the chronically invited, and with some effort, information and moxie, it’s possible to get on the best party lists.

Some cool parties, like the “secret” one Opera Memphis threw in January to get 20-somethings to come see “Il Trovatore,” are only available to the tech savvy or socially attentive.

The opera company’s party planners advertised on the Internet and on fliers distributed at bars in the Cooper-Young area. For $20, attendees got a ticket to the opera and an invitation to the post-show party, with rock bands and drink tickets.

For someone with artsy inclinations, getting on the Memphis Brooks Museum of Art’s mailing list is a good first step toward a social life.

Brooks mails all of its 3,400 members invitations to its numerous events (First Wednesdays, exhibit openings, food and wine tastings, movie screenings).

Diane Jalfon, public relations manager, says not all invitations are equal, however.

“We’ll have people come to art openings and First Wednesdays just to have a good time. But some people want to take it to the next level,” Jalfon said. “We try to recognize that.”

When planning exclusive events, like the popular Brooks Uncorked wine dinner with a $125 ticket price, the museum forms a host committee of local wine lovers and party provocateurs. The committee members send out written invitations, and pursue their friends and constituents to make the party more appealing.

“You know, it’s always easier to go someplace when a friend invites you,” Jalfon said. “When you show up at a party and don’t know anyone, it’s never as fun. If your friend says, ‘I’m going to a really great event,’ you’re more likely to go along.”

More than 500 people attended Brooks Uncorked this year, making it one of the museum’s most successful annual events.

“The best advice I can give is to really invest yourself in a particular scene,” said Rachel Hurley, a local writer, blogger and partygoer. “If you like music, then go to the concerts. Hang out at the bars. The best parties I get invited to are the spontaneous ones that happen when the show’s over. Just people sitting around: ‘Oh, there’s a party at this person’s house, wanna come?’”

Hurley’s blog, rachelandthecity.com, is one of the many blogs and myspace.com pages that have, in recent years, replaced the embossed party invitation.

Getting on the local invitation radar is sometimes a matter of falling into a certain demographic.

Nora Boone, a consultant who assembles partygoers for various nonprofits such as Planned Parenthood, says that her guest lists depend on what she needs to accomplish, i.e. raise money, create a certain image, or just have a good time.

“When you’re thinking about a party, your guest list is No.1, your atmosphere No. 2 and the food and beverages No. 3,” she said.

Boone says that her lists could be organized by Zip Codes, ages, salary ranges. Party planners have their A-list attendees, B-list attendees and “filler people,” those who arrive with others or are invited to occupy space.

Boone has found herself on various lists over the years, sometimes surprisingly different ones.

“A lot of organizations swap lists,” she said. “So sometimes getting invited to things is just a matter of having your name traded around, or someone recognizing your ‘hook’” — the quality that makes you right for a certain party.

Jimmy Rout, a Memphis party planner and son of the former Shelby County mayor, has spent most of his life attending parties.

Parties come in tiers, he said. The top tier is the gala event, such as the annual Blues Ball, for which the invitation list is the domain of the fashion mogul Pat Kerr Tigrett.

“It’s hard to break into the Blues Ball,” Rout said. “But it’s always a great party.

“Most gala parties are a breed unto themselves, though. They can be fun one year and lame the next. You just have to remember that you’re usually paying a lot for the ticket and going for a good cause, not always for a great time.”

Rout says the parties he enjoys most are often those geared toward younger crowds, where the entry fees are under $100, such as Dixon’s Art on Tap.

Midtowner Elizabeth Laws, 24, considers herself a “bi-polar partygoer.” The M.I.T. graduate who works for Locally Globally Investments says there are days she just sits home and reads, and days she wants to be surrounded by people.

Laws, fairly new to the social scene, already has a reputation for throwing parties as much as attending them.

“Memphians love being the host,” she said. “Once you start hosting (parties), you start getting invited to more of them. What I like most about my parties is creating a wide range of diversity.”

Rout predicts Laws will be among the next generation of top Memphis socialites. “She is a real go-getter type of person and brings together interesting crowds.”

Here’s some advice from the party planners if you want to become the next Paris Hilton.

Sign up for things — Create an e-mail account to use specifically for your social life. Write it in art gallery guest books and sign up for online newsletters like those offered on downtownmemphis.com.

Join nonprofit groups — Arts and charity groups do the most fund-raising, and wine and cheese is usually involved. Becoming a museum member, joining MPACT, subscribing to a theater’s season, and even modest donations to organizations known for some good parties — such as the volunteer radio station WEVL — gets your name on a mailing list.

Network — “Knowing the right people in Memphis is important,” Rout said. “Latch on to a socialite.” Your close friends could be on entirely different lists than you. “I go to a lot of parties just because my friends invite me,” Jalfon said.

Give back — “You can’t always be the one receiving,” Rout advises. “You have to give something back,” whether its throwing your own parties or being involved as a co-host of other people’s or organizations’ events. “It’s the key to getting invited to things.”

The final factor, I would add, is honing a more ambiguous quality of hipness.

I recently attended an art event on South Main. After it was over, my friend Carmel and I began “networking” to figure out where the next party was.

We met an Italian filmmaker named Matteo, who mentioned that a Rhodes sorority was having a cool party in the same spot later that evening. Matteo seemed to be “in the know.” We were very happy about this.

Later, Carmel and I returned to the party location behind Ernestine and Hazel’s, and sauntered into the room where college kids in formal attire were dancing to music.

Carmel quickly observed that we stood out like warts on a toad.

I lunged for the buffet.

In a matter of seconds, we were apprehended by a giant bartender and a tiny sorority girl with fury in her eyes.

“Um, who are you?” she asked.

I tried to explain that Matteo, the cool Italian filmmaker, said it was okay if we just showed up.

“Who?!” She looked indignant.

I munched on the hamburger I’d stolen. No way were we going to pull this one off. Carmel and I just weren’t the right filler for this kind of party.

The bartender swept us out to the street like riffraff. We headed to another bar for drinks that were not free.

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